Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman
by Skye-90
Summary: Erm... I have no idea. I have no idea what i'm going to put in it either really... The police guy has to follow a daring mission to its end, wherever that may lead...
1. The Anonymous TipOff

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, I wish I did because then I would be rich, but no – I don't own any of them. Although I do own the far out stupid names, do I get any money for that??  
  
OK, please excuse the high volume of stupidness (is that a new word, because my computer doesn't know it) in this story, I was in English when I started writing this, high as usual, and it got way out of hand. You may blame Ruth for making it go completely stupid, and AJ for making me write it out.  
  
Chapter 1: The Anonymous Tip-Off.  
  
Once upon a time in the far away, and non-existent, land of Middle Earth there lived a detective. He was called Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman. He was chief detective in the new town of Chick- Henville, near the City of the Corsairs.  
  
Earlier that day Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman was given a very important task, he was to take a member of the public around work with him for a week, and he was given a grumpy old man called Sam.  
  
He had been given an anonymous tip-off about a jewelled casket with... a killer kangaroo inside it. He was given the job to find the casket, this would have been easy if it wasn't for the grumpy old man. Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman was small, agile and extremely flexible, however the grumpy old man was old (as you probably guessed) and carried a walking stick to help his hairy feet move properly.  
  
His wife, Rosie, had died the previous year and his children had deserted him for being too grumpy.  
  
The two set out on their perilous journey through the Underground Caves Of Chick-Henville to find the casket. The grumpy old man had got two steps outside of the police station and asked Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman whether they were there yet.  
  
"Err... hello? We just got outside you dimwit, we are miles from the caves." And then walked on a few steps. When he noticed that the grumpy old man wasn't following his lead he turned to see where he was. He was exactly where Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman had left him. "What's wrong?" He asked.  
  
"I'm tired, can we rest and eat yet?"  
  
"This is going to be more challenging than I thought." He said under his breath. "No, of course we can't now keep moving before I whip you.  
  
With that threat, the grumpy old man started running towards the caves as fast as he could, which unfortunately was about the same speed as a normal person walking.  
  
When they reached the mouth of the caves later that evening, the grumpy old man sat down on a rock and said. "I simply point-blank refuse to go any further until I have eaten, what have you got?"  
  
Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman was getting very weary of the grumpy old mans laziness and grumbled under his breath as he got out the foulest looking food they had with them. He threw it carelessly at the man and hit him in the face.  
  
"Ouch, you moron, don't you look where you're throwing things? ("Not when it concerns you." Five minutes later the grumpy old man started complaining again. "Oww! My eye! You blinded me! Oh the pain! The pain!"  
  
"You were fine earlier."  
  
"Yes, but that was earlier. This Is now."  
  
"OK. We're going in." Said Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman. Seeing the look on the old mans face he added "Now."  
  
As they entered the caves they heard a faint noise... 


	2. The Noise

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, I wish I did because then I would be rich, but no – I don't own any of them. Although I do own the far out stupid names, do I get any money for that??  
  
I did warn you about the stupid part of it, you didn't have to read it! I hope you're happy now AJ, I wrote this at ten o'clock in the evening for you, along with the first chapter!  
  
Chapter 2: The Noise...  
  
The noise wasn't very far off, in fact it seemed very close. The grumpy old man, who happened to be a war hero from the Third Age, got extremely scared, wet himself and ran behind Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman.  
  
Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman was very annoyed by this childish and immature action so he turned and said "If you don't stop fooling around like this I will either kill you or abandon you, come to think of it, if I abandon you, you would have a chance of getting out – OK, it has been decided by the committee of me that if you irritate me in any way on this here journey, or at any other time in this life, I will kill you."  
  
Just then, from no where, Galadriel walked onto the set and up to Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman and said "This task was appointed to you, if you do not find a way, no one will." In her calm and soothing tone.  
  
"Well how am I supposed to find the way if I've got him tagging along?" he said back, pointing rudely at the grumpy old man, who was now inspecting his feet and how long the hair had got.  
  
"Hey, I didn't say find THE way, I said find A way, don't twist my words, fool."  
  
"Yes miss, sorry miss." He said innocently. (is that the right word?) As an afterthought he added "Can't I just kill him anyway, and then say it was an accident?"  
  
"No, Sam here, must live, your life is bound to his fate, if he dies... so do you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No, I just made it up, sounded good though didn't it?"  
  
Not wishing to get on the bad side of Galadriel he said "Yes, very."  
  
The grumpy old man had problems with reaction time, it could take him up to ten minutes to realise that someone had cussed him down, and a further thirty to think of a comeback. He had just noticed that there was a lady, who seemed familiar, talking to Superintending Tokillthegrumpyoldman. It took him a further three minutes to realise that his name had been mentioned.  
  
"What was that about me?" he asked stupidly. "Do I know you?" he said to Galadriel.  
  
"Erm... Yes, you do know me, remember? You came into my house, ate my food, looked into my mirror and broke it, got totally drunk with all your sad little friends, jacked (nicked, stole, borrowed without asking and having no intention of returning) our best cloaks, refused to turn Eminem down... shall I continue the list?"  
  
After a few minutes in which Sam needed to register what she had said, he finally nodded eagerly for her to carry on with the list  
  
"Oh, I can really not be bothered with you, Sam. Anyways, Frodo, where were we?"  
  
"Erm... Excuse me?"  
  
"Oh, did you fart? Not to worry, I can hold my nose."  
  
"No, I did not fart." He said indignantly, trying to keep his pride.  
  
"So why did you say excuse me if you didn't fart? Did you burp? Do you need the toilet?"  
  
"No, No, It was a question and not a statement."  
  
Galadriel, who was never very good at English, didn't quite understand the full meaning of this, so she said "What?"  
  
"What I meant was that I am not Frodo, are you lost?" he asked inquisitively.  
  
"Erm... I'm looking for Frodo Baggins, have you seen him?" 


End file.
